January 10

Bedtime last night was very normal. Eli went to bed around 7:30, like usual.

As usual, he woke up around 10:30, and Chris brought him in to our room and handed him to me. 

As usual, he nursed for about five minutes, then rolled over.

And then he started crying. The child fussed, cried, rolled, flopped, and tried to sleep until 3:30 in the morning.

FIVE HOURS.

Five hours.

five hours.

He was exhausted. He wanted to sleep. And I could do nothing to help him. It was possibly the worst night we have ever had with him. It's one thing when a baby is cheerful and awake in the middle of the night; you just let them play until they finally see logic and decide to sleep. But I have no explanation for Eli last night. I definitely shared some choice words with Eli, and with Chris. It was not my finest moment. In fact, it was awful.

And then Chris took him for a few hours maybe, and then maybe he fell asleep? It is all a fog now. What I do know is that I woke up at 9:30 and the house was eerily silent. Without waking me or saying a word to me, Chris had fed all four kids breakfast, gotten them dressed, and took them to church. He even made breakfast for me and left it sitting on the counter, along with a pot of coffee.

I was shocked. 

No other words. 

Chris even remembered to bring a bottle for Eli. He handled the situation entirely without my help, and just let me sleep. As I type this, I am on the verge of tears. I can't remember the last time someone handled all four of the children without needing any input from me. It's possible it has never happened before. It was beautiful

And it was a glimpse into my future. Eli is nearly one; soon, he will reach a point where he is no longer dependent on me. Some day. I look forward to - long for! - that day, but it is also an unsettling feeling. For the past 6.5 years, there has always been at least one little someone who depends entirely on me. How will it feel when I am still useful, but not exactly necessary?

But then I realized that someone had made me breakfast and I could drink my coffee while it was still hot. So I shut those existential thoughts down and enjoyed the coffee and silence. God knew I needed to be alone with Him today. I'm thankful my husband knew it, too. 

So today was a day of quiet, of laundry, of groceries, of working on projects. One project Chris completed was our fireplace. Nearly two years ago, we tore our living room apart and the brick fireplace surround came crumbling down with it. We rebuilt, but never fully finished the project. Today, Chris finished it, and after dinner we enjoyed a beautiful, roaring fire.

Eli was Daddy's helper. Actually, Caleb and Daisy were really excited and helpful, too. Then Chris lit the fire and the flames grew and the girls became panicked. I guess it's been a really long time since they saw a fire in a fireplace, because Daisy started screaming, "FIRE! In the house! Fire!" Once we explained that fires, in fireplaces, started by grownups, are safe, she was fine.

Eli remained fascinated.

Oh my goodness. Isn't he the sweetest? (I was not saying that at 2 am, but whatever.)

Don't worry, Mom. We didn't let him get too close. He was perfectly safe.

See? Adult supervision.

And then it was bedtime and I had thirty minutes to put Eli down before Downton Abbey started. Apparently Eli doesn't like to be rushed. He screamed through Downton Abbey, but Chris handled things so I could watch my show. He's a good man, and Eli was asleep by the end of it. Poor kid. I hope we can figure out what his issue is!