January 31

Eli has not slept well for the past week or so. He will sleep about 3 hours in his crib at the beginning of the evening, but when he wakes to nurse, he has not been going back to sleep. Instead, he fusses and cries off and on for the rest of the night. It's awful and exhausting, and probably due to a slight ear infection or his teeth. The night before last, I got about five hours of sleep because of the Pinewood Derby and then party prep. 

But last night? God and my baby had mercy on me. I don't know if Eli finally felt better, or if I was just so exhausted that I slept through his fussing, but he slept and I slept and it was good. In fact, Eli slept until 7 am, instead of the 5:15 wakeup call he has been giving me lately. Chris took him when he woke, and I got to sleep until 8:30. It was delicious. We needed some down time after all of the busyness lately, so we stayed home from church and had a nice family breakfast. 

The kids had already eaten most of their breakfast when I got up, so they spent their time squabbling over who got to sit next to me. Finally, I gave up and invited all of them to join me on the couch for a snuggle.

My little duckies are so funny! I love how even Eli tried to get in on the snuggling action. And I have no explanation for Caleb.

When it was time for me to put Eli down for his morning nap, Chris took the older three kids for a hike at a nearby park. They had so much fun! As they embarked on their hike, they encountered a woman who looked at Chris skeptically. She warned him that there was no way the kids would be able to tackle the big hill, and that he would have to carry them. He was by himself, and she was confident he was making a bad choice.

Instead of heeding her advice, Chris and the kids took it as a challenge.

Guess what? They made it! They were so proud of themselves.

And Lily enjoyed her ride in her favorite spot: the Ergo on Daddy's back. He told me she wore her sunglasses upside-down the whole time. Funny girl.

Eli took an awesome nap, and woke up just as they got home. We ate lunch, I hung a few pictures and the flag banner in Eli's room, and after the girls went down for naps, Chris took the boys swimming. I reveled in my alone time!

Aside from the curtains, Eli's room is mostly finished for now. Eventually I will take the navy curtains out of Caleb and Daisy's room and hang them in Eli's room, but a few more things have to happen before I do that. Still, I haven't shared any pictures of Eli's room since we painted over the turquoise. Here it is:

His room is now the same color as Lily's room. I found the picture over his crib at Hobby Lobby; it is gold-flecked birch trees, and just what I was looking for! Caleb and I made the jute-wrapped letters on top of the picture. And I wrote a few days ago about the bunting I made from sentimental fabri.s.

The framed watercolor is Caleb's birthday gift to Eli; it is a bird, flying to its nest. Can't you tell? I also put one of Eli's birth announcements in a frame. Eventually I will probably find a different frame and hang it on the wall (possibly next to a shadow box containing one of his preemie outfits?) but for now, this will do.

I made the mobile over his changing table as a birthday gift for him - it is yarn-wrapped Christmas ornaments: a bird, lion, zebra, giraffe, and elephant. The feather picture is another birthday gift. We love to give our kids pieces of art for their birthdays, and I chose this one for Eli because it was masculine, but reminded me of his current love for birds. It also reminds me of one of my favorite scriptures, so I wrote it on the back:

"He will cover you with his feathers,

    and under his wings you will find refuge;

    his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart."

- Psalm 91:4

Below that is his certificate from the child dedication at church. I like it because the colors work with the room, but also because it has his life verse printed on it:

"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go." - Joshua 1:9

And that is why it says "Be strong and courageous" over his closet doors. That was initially a decal I purchased, but after I went to great lengths to apply the decal, I realized that our walls are too textured for decals to stick. BOO. So I traced the decals, and painted in the letters. I'm happy with how it turned out!

And on the door is an ornament that the kids insisted we hang on Eli's door. I think it's funny that they are getting to the "hang things on our bedroom doors" stage, and I'm willing to roll with it.

So. Eli's room is mostly done. Now maybe I'll get around to hanging things on the walls in the rest of the house!!

January 30

Today we celebrated Eli's first birthday!

We didn't have quite the turnout I was expecting, but we had beautiful weather, delicious food, and lots of great friends there to celebrate. Sadly, I pretty much failed at taking pictures during the actual event. 

We had lots of blue and snowflakes, and lots of food. I even got a little helium tank so that we could have as many balloons as we wanted! There were little sandwiches, veggies, fruit, cheese and crackers, pretzels, veggie straws, and so. many. cupcakes. We had pictures of Eli all over the house, and his first year video playing on the computer and on the tv. We had coffee and mimosas and beer and beverages. But most important of all, we had people. The friends  who walked with us through a really challenging year were there, and we all celebrated what God has carried us through. It was beautiful.

At one point, I even dug out one of Eli's preemie onesies that he wore for his first month of life. He was so very, very tiny! And now he is healthy and perfect. I am so thankful.

Eli didn't know what to think of the burning candle on his cupcake, but once we got that out of the way, he knew just what to do.

Go get it, Eli!

(This time, I made sure the icing was room temperature. Rock solid buttercream is hard to eat!)

Yum. He made a terrific mess, which was totally fine.

This is the point where I'm kicking myself for not taking more pictures. I have some cute ones of my mom and dad, and of Shirley and Jim, who I just met for the first time today, even though they are avid readers of my blog and have prayed for us often this year, but I want to do a bit of editing on those still. 

Otherwise, I didn't capture much of the party. I missed snapping a shot of Eli and his future-BFF Dean both looking out the sidelights of our new front door. I missed Naomi and Lily happily playing side-by-side. I missed Caleb graciously allowing Naomi and Malia and Drew to play with his Legos. I missed Caleb and Caleb racing remote controlled cars in the front yard. I missed Johanna and Jill chatting in front of my big glass door, and Malia and Caleb watering the plants with a water cannon. I missed Chris playing baseball with the kids in the back yard while sweet baby Henry watched in awe. I missed Mary snuggling a sleeping Sarah, while Jen enjoyed the heck out the buttercream icing on the cupcakes. I missed my dad inflating balloons, Mom chopping veggies, Daisy eating her lunch while snuggled up next to Gayle. I missed Eli crawling around with a giant grin on his face, reveling in all of the commotion.

I missed a lot. But I missed taking all of those pictures because I was busy enjoying a party that we worked hard to earn. Today we celebrated Eli, we celebrated our friends and family, and we celebrated us. It was fabulous.

Happy first birthday, Eli!

And then they all went down for naps. Mom put Lily down, I put Eli down, and Daisy put herself down. The kids slept long and hard, and while they slept, Chris and Caleb went for a bike ride around the lake. They returned right after Eli woke up, and I suggested that Chris take Eli for his very first bike ride.

Unfortunately, the baby-sized helmet I had in mind for Eli was missing a piece, and didn't work. I ordered him a new one (thanks, Jill!), but in the meantime, he borrowed Lily's helmet.

Eli hated the helmet, but loved riding on the bike. After a practice spin down the street, Chris grabbed his own helmet and Caleb hopped on, and they were off!

With this setup, plus the bike trailer behind my bike, we will be ready for some awesome family bike rides this spring and summer! I'm hopeful that soon Caleb will be ready to take the training wheels off his bike, and Daisy can move up to the tag-along, but for now, this works just fine. I love that "Baby's First Bike Ride" is always a part of our children's first birthday celebrations!

January 29

Eli had his one-year checkup today, so I have all kinds of stats.

He weighed 19 pounds, 10 ounces, which puts him solidly in the 25th percentile. Way to go, Eli! In comparison, Caleb (who gestated for 6 weeks longer than Eli) weighed 20 pounds, 5 ounces at one year. How about that?

Eli's head was 18.25" in circumference, which is 57th percentile.

He is 28.25" tall, which is 6th percentile. So he's a bit short, but I don't care. He's on the charts! 

Developmentally, he is doing just fine. He does show some delays in gross motor skills, but all of our children seem to have had gross motor delays, so I'm just calling that normal.

The best part was that my mom was off work today, so I was able to drop the older three kids off at her house and only take Eli to the appointment. What a luxury!

Do you remember that I decided to make Caleb a pair of red, sparkly shoes for Christmas? I can't remember if I blogged about it; I think I was waiting to write about it until they were finished? 

Well, they still aren't finished. But Caleb decided today that they were finished enough for him to wear them.

Ok. I know sparkly shoes for a boy is a bit... unusual. But look at him. Look at how happy my man-child is. He feels like a million bucks in his red, sparkly shoes, and that is totally worth all the time I have invested in to hand-sewing the sequins and worth any sideways looks we might get. 

Worth it.

I am trying really hard to focus on loving my children for who they are right now, rather than for who I want them to be, or for who I hope they can be someday. And right now, I have a little big boy who wants red sparkly shoes, and who wants to grow his hair long. I am trying to give him the opportunity to express his individuality in a way that is appropriate for a 6-year-old boy: a trendy long/short haircut, and sparkly running shoes. I hope someday he remembers that his Mommy loved him enough to let him be who he wanted to be, but that she gave him a framework to do it appropriately.

Once we got home, a painter arrived to paint our front door. While he worked, I fed the kids lunch and put Eli down for his nap. (He woke up at 5:15 this morning, and aside from dozing for about 40 minutes in the van, had no nap until 12:30.) Then the girls went down for their naps, Gayle came to get Caleb for Speech Club and a playdate at her house, and my mom came over to stay with the sleeping babies while I did party shopping, plus two weeks worth of grocery shopping. I ended up visiting six different stores over the course of three hours.

Chris picked up Caleb and some pizza on his way home from work, and I returned home in time to put away the groceries, stuff some pizza in my face, and hop in the van with Chris and the kids for the Pinewood Derby. 

Our little racer! We all went to the Derby, even though it was from 7-9 pm, and bedtime is 7:30. In hindsight, it was a foolish decision, but the kids were so excited to see Caleb race, Daisy had made a car for the sibling race, and I had no idea what to expect. So we all went.

Caleb was feeling the love. Maybe it was those sparkly shoes.

Caleb sat up by the race track with his den mates while we sat in the back. It was long and boring.

Hi, Eli! He charmed all the people around him, crawling all over the place and pulling up onto random chairs, then smiling at strangers.

Finally, it was Caleb's turn to race.

His car - named Flamerunner - won!

Yay, Caleb!

He raced a total of four times, and won each time! Sadly, there were forty cars racing, and while his car was fast, it wasn't anywhere near the fastest. At that point (an hour past bedtime, mind you), Caleb got really upset. He was so disappointed that he didn't win, and in his mind not winning equals losing. He got pouty and sullen and cried a little bit, and I confess: I did not handle it well. I was frustrated that he couldn't see that his car might not have been the best, but it was his car, and it was good. He needed me to hug him and validate his feelings, but I was too annoyed. 

Finally, finally, finally, they opened the track up to non-Boy Scouts and Daisy and Caleb were able to race their cars.

It was close, but Caleb's car beat Daisy's.

Then we raced home and got the kids in bed by 9:30. Then Chris and I stayed up absurdly late, getting things ready for Eli's party the next day. It was a LONG day.

January 28

Today, my baby turns one.

I've been doing a lot of reflecting as we approached this milestone; it was a rough year, and Eli is likely our last child (I'm holding out hope to one day expand our family via foster care or adoption, but Chris is hesitant, so if that happens it will be many years from now), and so I've been feeling sentimental. 

One year ago, this happened:

These pictures sum it up perfectly. They are chaotic, messy, stressful... and yet, the expression on my face is one of pure joy, delight, and love. I look at the pictures above and see a seasoned mama, birthing her fourth child, who has no idea what she is doing. Eli grew inside my body for 35 weeks, and yet he emerged a complete stranger. Over the past year, Eli and I have fought many battles together. In the process we've forged a precious bond, and I sit here at a loss for words to describe the admiration and love I feel for this little guy. 

He is sweet, charming, and totally unassuming. He doesn't draw attention to himself, and so I am constantly surprised by him: by what he can do, by his funny little personality, by the fact that he has certain preferences.

If he had been my first baby, I'm not sure there would be any more children after him. He is always either the best baby in the world, or the worst baby ever. There is no in-between. And yet, he is the perfect last baby. 

Eli goes in for his one-year checkup tomorrow, so I don't have current stats for him. But here are some of the things he is doing now:

naps twice a day, for about an hour and a half each

sleeps in his crib for the first three hours of the night, then joins me in bed

still nurses at least four times a day, and then throughout the night

crawls like a champ

pulls up to standing and has begun to cruise

says: ball, bird, cat, more, one, dog

sometimes says mama and dada, and says "day" for Daisy and "buh" for Caleb

doesn't clap. It's weird.

dances to music

gives the biggest, slobberiest kisses

still has zero teeth. Any day now.

desperately wants to pet the cat

loves to snuggle

loves his siblings

loves oatmeal, applesauce, clementines, and cheese

I have spent the past few weeks putting together this video slideshow of Eli's first year; it's nearly 9 minutes long, so I don't blame you for watching, but if you have time you totally should.

We are having a celebration for his birthday on Saturday, so today was a pretty low-key day for us. However, when we went to pick Daisy up from preschool, it was nearly 60 degrees outside. On a whim, I picked up McDonald's for lunch and took the kids to a playground. They were so excited. We never do things like that, but it ended up being the perfect way to celebrate Eli's birthday.

Don't worry, Mom. Eli was in the very center of the table, and surrounded by food. He was safe, and he wasn't going anywhere.

He's wearing Lily's chew necklace.

After the kids ate, they played. Eli had so much fun!

"What is this?"

And then we got to the swings. As soon as I gave Eli his first push, he began laughing harder than I've heard him laugh in quite a while. I'm not sure if it was the swinging, or the sunshine, or the swinging and the sunshine after a long absence of both, but the kid was so happy. I can't think of a better way to celebrate a one-year-old's birthday!

There was only one baby swing, and at first Lily was quite upset. But one of the big kid swings was at just the right height for her, and then she was so very, very happy. She kept saying, "Daddy be so 'pressed that I ride big kid swing!"

All four of my duckies in a row!

We got home in time for late naps, and once the girls were down I tried to snap a few one-year pictures of Eli.

It didn't go so well.

Both boys in their Superman shirts. Look at how much Caleb loves his brother - it makes my heart sing. I am so thankful that we are homeschooling right now, if only because of moments like this that we missed while he was at school.

Sweet boys.

(Even if Caleb's hair looks wild. And Eli looks weird. And he's trying to squirm out of Caleb's lap.)

Oh. This one kills me. It would have been sweet, but I totally missed the focus. Oh well.

And look at that! The picture is kind of misleading, because Eli definitely doesn't do the "hold my fingers and walk" thing yet. But he does do the "hold my fingers and stand" thing!

Super Eli!

Happy birthday, big guy!

January 27

Do you remember one year ago today, when my water randomly broke at 7 am? 

Yeah. That was quite a day. I wonder how different the past year would have been for our family if that hadn't happened, and if Eli had stayed put for another two months?

It has definitely been a challenging year for us, but God has been so present through all of it. I definitely would not have chosen for things to go the way they did, but I am thankful that I know the Creator of the universe loves me, and has a plan for my life - and the lives of my children. So even when things don't go my way, I take comfort in knowing that He has a plan. Even when I don't like it.

Eli turns one tomorrow. That means that my days of daily blogging will come to an end. I definitely won't cut it off cold turkey, and I will absolutely continue blogging, but don't get too worried if I go a few days between posts. As much as I cherish having the daily record of each of my children's first years, I am looking forward to being free of the daily commitment of that. After tomorrow, I will blog when I have fun pictures, or something exciting to share. Maybe every other day? We'll see. 

In the meantime, here are today's pictures. It was a really busy day for us: our Parents as Teachers parent educator came today and evaluated Eli. Spoiler: he is awesome, but totally delayed in gross motor skills. Not surprising, as all of my kids have been that way. She left, and we loaded into the van for Caleb's swimming and fitness class. At the end of his swim session, I watched him swim the whole length of the pool, completely unassisted, which was awesome. Even more awesome was when the instructor noticed he was getting tired and offered him a kickboard, but Caleb refused because he wanted to finish it on his own. That is exactly the type of grit and determination we are trying to build in him, and I was so proud. We came home for lunch and naps, and just as I got Eli down for his nap Chris' mom arrived to take Caleb for his first session of "Speech Club". I am so thankful that she is willing to help us with this, because otherwise it would be impossible to get him up to his old school at the times they want him there. 

Caleb got home, we had a bit of down time for some school, and then dinner. It was crazy.

At dinner, Eli showed us that he is learning how to say, "One".

We ask, "How old is Eli?" and he holds up  one finger and says, "whaaa". It is barely recognizable as a word, but he's trying!

Can you believe he'll be one tomorrow?

January 26

This post is a day late because my book club met last night. Remarkably, Eli was fabulous for Chris while I was gone - took a little bit of milk from his bottle, went to sleep without fussing, and slept until after midnight. Maybe I should go out more often!

I only have two pictures from yesterday:

Eli was "helping" me make lunch. Or dinner. Or something. I can't remember. All I know is that he was being needy and fussy, so I put him on the counter and gave him his silicone banana toothbrush, and he was happy.

Look at that boy gnaw! His teeth are so ready to come through, but haven't. I was really hoping his bottom two teeth would come through before his birthday, but it's not looking like it.

I have started moving him up to 18-month clothes, though. Not all of them fit yet, but this shirt and pants are size 18-month. Yay, Eli! He has his one-year checkup on Friday, and I can't wait to see how much he's grown!

January 25

Today's Do-Nothing Monday was strictly enforced: I had no vehicle. Chris took my van in for an oil change and emissions testing. It's funny that our "van-niversary" (clever, right?) will always coincide with Eli's birthday, because we got it the day he came home from the hospital.

So the kids and I puttered around at home. Did school. Did crafts. Ate.

When Eli woke up from his afternoon nap and the girls were still sleeping, Caleb was excited to have some brother time. The boys were so cute that I ran to grab my camera, but when I came back, Eli wanted nothing to do with Caleb or pictures. Luckily, I thought fast... and sat down on the floor.

Boom. The kid came crawling right toward me!

Of course, then he was too close for good pictures, but still. I love Caleb in the background. He was really excited to play with Eli.

Sweet brothers.

Still too close.

Caleb really wanted his picture taken with Eli, though, so I scooted him back a bit.

Eli was like, "What? Why are you moving me?" and Caleb was thrilled.

Happy boy. He has not napped well the past few days, so it's shocking that he was this happy.

And then we gave shaggy Caleb a haircut. He has really been wanting to grow his hair long, so we compromised on a style that YouTube called "Slick Rick". It's really short on the sides, but still long on top.

It looks weird in this picture, but I think it's pretty cute. Best of all, Caleb is really happy. I call it a win!

Also, since Lily's marshmallow video is currently my most popular video ever thanks to some fans who like to watch it on repeat, we made a new marshmallow video today:

Our potty training status: 100%.

Lily has been wearing underwear only, even for bedtime and naps, for at least a week now. Now we are working on getting her to use only the regular toilet, and not her little potty. The marshmallows are only for #2 on the big toilet, and soon those will be gone, too. In the meantime, please enjoy the sweetness of Lily saying, "marshmessow!"

And in case you're curious, here's the original marshmallow movie: