May 7

Today was a bad day.

Daisy had her one-year checkup, and it did not go well. She weighed in at 16 pounds, 13 ounces - a gain of 12 ounces in the past THREE MONTHS. She has officially fallen off her growth curve. But because she's healthy and growing in height and developing normally, our pediatrician wasn't concerned.

Then I mentioned how Daisy is sick all the time.

Then we discussed the fact that Daisy doesn't get to sitting on her own, crawl, pull up, or stand. 

Then the doctor referred Daisy for physical/occupational therapy and sent her to have blood drawn to test for nutritional deficiencies, lead, immunological disorders, and cystic fibrosis. 

We ended up spending over two hours at the doctor's office/hospital. Caleb and Daisy were both champs for the most part, but I almost lost it at the end. All I wanted was to change Daisy's diaper before our 25-minute drive home, and the hospital didn't have a changing station in the bathroom. REALLY? Yes, I could have changed her on the floor. But for me, it was the last straw. I cried most of the way home, as did Caleb.

Now, I know none of this is a big deal. Overall, Daisy is healthy and wonderful. We are so blessed to have two relatively healthy, perfect children. We are blessed to have a doctor who listens to my concerns and is willing to dig around to see if something bigger is wrong. We are blessed to have health insurance that will pay for any therapy necessary. We are blessed to have the opportunity to work on a minor delay in this way, rather than letting it become a major delay.

But still. 

It hurts to hear that my daughter - my beautiful, perfect daughter - should have therapy for a developmental delay.

Like it's my fault. And I know it's not. And I know it's minor. And I know it will be okay, and Daisy will end up totally normal in the long run.

Some days, though, it's hard to look at the big picture.

But there's the big picture.

A sweet, smart, healthy girl who has just discovered the joys of chocolate. (I literally gave her less than a teaspoon of chocolate icing, but she managed to get it everywhere.)

We are blessed, regardless of everything.