March 31

Today the sun shined and I got Caleb to the bus stop on time without any yelling.

That was when I knew it was going to be a good day.

After we dropped Daisy off at preschool, Lily and I sat on the couch and watched Sesame Street while I fed Eli. Our sweet neighbor, Mary, dropped by with some treats for the kids, and we chatted a bit about how rough things have been for me lately. Mary never had children of her own, but she's been down the road and back with everything related to mental health, so it was a good conversation to have. After Mary left, the kids and I moved to my big bed, where we folded laundry and played.

Seriously. This girl is just way too cute. She is a sweet, spunky little bug.

See that nice goose egg under the curly wisp of bangs on her forehead? The child walked right into a wall. She barely cried, but it must have really  hurt!

I was about to begin folding laundry, but Eli needed to be dressed for the day. While I chose his clothes, Lily held his hand.

Then Eli vomited everywhere.

"Vomit" is a tricky word to use with babies as little as Eli; is it really vomit, or just a lot of spit up? Is there a difference? Who knows. But I can tell you for a fact that I watched what had to be the entire contents of his stomach shoot out of his mouth, all over himself, the fresh outfit I just put on him, the bed, and Lily. Yep. For once, Eli spit up all over someone other than me. I hate to say it, but I was relieved. 

But then I had to change the sheets, and the baby, and the toddler. Karma, I suppose, for being glad that Lily got puked upon and not me.

But after everything was fresh and clean, we opened the windows and enjoyed the sunshine and breeze.

I propped Eli up against the pillows, and he seemed to like it. He looks like such a big boy!

And I even caught one of his smiles! Except baby smiles never look as cute in pictures as they are in real life. In real life, a smile from this kid turns anyone into a puddle of goo.

But really, these wonky half-smiles are what I get most of the time.

Then we finally began folding laundry. (This is why nothing ever gets done around here. The baby needs to be fed. The baby spits up. Clothes need to be changed. Sheets need to be changed. The baby smiles. Way too many distractions.) I introduced Lily to the concept of putting the mesh laundry bag on her head, and she thought it was awesome.

She also thinks the sparkly leotard is awesome. And she's right. It's pretty stellar.

Then she kissed Eli through the bag on her head. It was adorable. But she wasn't satisfied, so she removed the bag,

And kissed him again. Sweet girl.

Soon it was time to pick Daisy up (the three hours of preschool go by so quickly!), and we ate lunch outside in the sunshine. Just like yesterday, I got the girls down for naps, nursed and napped with Eli for an hour, and then snuck away to get some dinner prep done. Chris had a late work event, and even though my mom was coming over to help out after she got off work, I knew I needed to get things ready early.

Mom arrived right after we got Caleb off the bus, and she noticed that Eli had his little hand under his chin as he snuggled in the ring sling. So cute!

(The rings on my sling are way too low; please don't judge my baby wearing abilities based on this poorly positioned sling!) Isn't he cute?

Sweet baby!

With Mom's help, the evening went really well. She was just what I needed: a loving set of arms to hold Eli and entertain the big kids so I could function. She fed Eli a bottle while I put the big kids to bed (I am so thankful that he takes a bottle!), and while she was feeding him our neighbor Mary came over again, this time bearing a freshly baked brownie/cookie concoction. Bless that woman; she knows that baked goods are my primary love language. 

So. Loving neighbors, supportive family, and sunshine. I call that a good day. 

March 30

Do-Nothing Monday.

Aside from a trip to the chiropractor (this time Lily, Daisy and I all got adjusted! Daisy held Eli when it was my turn, and she was really proud), we did nothing.

Once again, I managed to get all three children napping at the same time. Eli and I spent a good hour nursing and napping, which was lovely.

He was wrapped on my back while I put the girls down for their naps, and when I transferred him to the bed, I kept the wrap on him as a blanket. Sleep, sweet baby!

Amazingly, I was able to steal away and had two whole hours to be productive! Instead of tackling all of the cleaning and organizing and tidying that needs to happen right now, I chose to work on the boys' Easter outfits. I made Eli's shirt, finished Caleb's vest (except for the buttons because I have no idea how to do buttonholes), and began bow ties for all three boys. Hopefully everything is finished by Easter! I'll be honest - this morning, I was seriously considering scrapping the homemade items and heading up to Old Navy to buy something instead. I'm feeling really overwhelmed by life right now, and the Easter outfits are one more thing. But it was something I could do while stuck at home with three napping children, and it was something I wanted to do, so I did it. The consequence was that dinner hour was a disaster and the house is still a mess, but whatever. I accomplished something tangible.

Maybe Lily and I will clean while Daisy's at preschool tomorrow.

March 29

It's been an absurdly long day, and I am so tired. 

  church

Costco

lunch

naps

birthday party (Happy 3rd Birthday, Andrew!)

dinner in the van

small group

bedtime

So all I have for today is this:

During our hour and a half window for naps, I fed and snuggled Eli while he snoozed. It was pretty sweet.

Now I'm going to bed, and hoping for a Do Nothing Monday tomorrow, with no sickness.

March 28

Today was Saturday. It was also the day of a birthday party to which Caleb had been invited. It was also Eli's two month birthday.

The birthday party for Caleb's friend was at 10:30, so Chris and Caleb left pretty early. While they were gone, I realized that Eli was almost out of clean sleepers, so I gathered up the laundry. However, Eli was being high-maintenance, so I didn't manage to put the laundry in the wash. Luckily, Lily was eager to help.

The girl grabbed the big bag full of dirty laundry and dragged it all the way down the long hall!

(Also, let's take a moment to acknowledge her outfit: Daisy's old sparkly leotard, which now fits Lily, mismatched socks, and unbrushed hair. It's pretty fantastic.)

I think Lily might be the funniest and cutest of any of our children at this age. She's the perfect combination of stinker and sweetheart!

The girls went down for their naps before the big boys even got home from the party, and while they were napping I tried to take a few birthday photos for Eli. Two months old is not an easy age to photograph; Eli is smiling now, but not consistently enough that I could make him smile for the camera. I was disappointed not to catch any of his sweet little grins, but keep coming back. We'll get one soon!

I know they're not especially impressive, but the child has verifiable rolls on his arms. It makes a mama happy.

I also officially put away all of his newborn clothes today. The boy is too tall for all of them!

Eli is getting wigglier and and more mobile. Also, the front part of his hair has fallen out and is starting to be replaced by new fuzz. In the meantime, his hair loss screams male pattern baldness. Let's hope it's not a precursor to later years.

At two months, Eli's eyes are still a dark grayish-blue. I'm confident they'll turn brown soon. And see what I mean about the forehead wrinkles? As he gains weight, the wrinkles are slowly disappearing!

Sweet baby toes!

Look at that awesome head control! Eli is a strong little man, and is hitting his milestones like a champ.

At two months old:

weighs 9 lb, 4 oz

has no routine at all, and is definitely not sleeping through the night

is (finally) alert for longer periods, often staying awake for an hour or more

wiggles and moves all over the place

is only happy when he's held or worn

looks at faces and has started looking at the toys dangling over his swing

has started cooing and gurgling

still nurses all the time, and takes a long time, but he's getting faster

has excellent head control and loves being wrapped on my back, or worn in any way

Here's a video of his cute little wiggles and coos, and even a sneeze and a yawn. Not particularly exciting, but worth sharing for posterity and whatnot.

Soon we were interrupted by Lily, who had just woken up from her nap. Of course she wanted to see her baby! 

She is wearing a jacket that is supposed to be Daisy's, but Daisy didn't want. Lily, however, loved it, and is now obsessed with a size 3T jacket. For her nap, she wore the sparkly leotard with skirt, mismatched socks, BabyLegs, and the jacket. Lily is hilarious.

That bright smile? Totally characteristic of Lily. She's happy because she's using a storage cube to climb up onto our bed. That cube is now a fixture in our room, and Lily freaks out if someone moves it!

Lily loves her baby so much!

Eli tolerates her, but it's probably because at this point, he has no other options.

At bedtime, Caleb stayed with me in the kitchen while Chris put the girls to bed. I was getting ready to go to the grocery store, so Caleb "helped" me write my list.

He wrote pork, bacon, carrot, cheese, snack bars, ?, apples, honey, and wine. It was an especially sweet moment because it wasn't my idea. Caleb wanted to be with me while Chris put the girls down, and when I told him that I was just going to be making my grocery list, he said, "I can write it for you!" I love that Caleb is gaining confidence with his reading and writing, and with forming words. Obviously, his fine motor skills are still under construction. But I'm so proud of what a big boy he's becoming!

March 27

I sent Caleb off to school today, and he did just fine.

Once he was on the bus, Lily and Daisy decided to play in the basement. Amazingly, they can play happily down there without any supervision for quite a while. I realize that many children can't be trusted in areas like that because they'll wreak havoc, and I absolutely appreciate the fact that I can simply turn mine loose. It bought me some time to eat breakfast, drink coffee, read the paper... all while wearing Eli.

It's funny how, right around 6 or 7 weeks old, Eli kind of "woke up". He went from being a sleepy preemie to a full-fledged newborn. Even though his due date was March 4, we were expecting him to arrive between March 11-March 15, and that window is when he "woke up". I firmly believe that he really should have gestated until then, and it's funny to think how different life would be if that had happened!

But it didn't happen, and tomorrow marks two months worth of Eli in our lives. Isn't it funny how time flies? And yet I still haven't managed to finish writing his birth story or change the name of the blog. Baby steps, people. Baby steps. I'm barely treading water here.

Anyway, everyone knows I love babywearing in all of its forms. My collection of carriers and knowledge is slowly growing, and it's definitely a passion of mine. But in the last few weeks, babywearing has become more of a necessity than a passion. Once Eli "woke up", he didn't want to be put down. He has more and more alert periods, but he is only happy during those times if he is being held or worn. It's exhausting, but at least I have an arsenal of carriers to keep him close and still allow me to function a little bit.

This was my view for much of the morning:

Alert Eli (with one goopy eye), looking up at me from the pouch of my ring sling. And toys on the floor. Because Lord, there are always toys on the floor. I know, I know. You seasoned mamas are all itching to remind me that one day there will be no more toys on the floor, and that these years pass so quickly... I realize this, and I'm trying to cherish it, and yet I still silently curse every time I trip over a darn toy on the floor. 

Immediately after I took the picture above, Lily said, "Ook? Ook?"

She wanted to look at the picture I had taken. So I showed her, and then I said, "Here, let's take one of you!'

Cue toddler temper tantrum, while sitting on her changing table.

Awful, isn't it? Having a mean mommy who wants to take your picture?

I put the girls down for early naps, and when they woke I packed up some snacks, we picked Caleb up at school, and we made the drive to our doctor's office. Caleb insisted that he felt better today and that his ear didn't hurt anymore, but the doctor very quickly verified a nasty infection in his left ear. She also had time to look at Lily's ears; they were so crusted with wax that she couldn't see anything. I suspect that the right eardrum ruptured, so she didn't want to dig in the wax too much on that side. On the left side she was able to clear away enough of the wax to see that the eardrum was red and bulging - another infection. That makes Lily a candidate for tubes, and I'm not sure what I think about that. They need to go back for a recheck in two weeks, so I suppose I have at least that much time to research and ponder our options.

At this point, all of my opposition to antibiotics has crumbled to the ground, and I am grasping desperately at anything that will make my children better, so I eagerly accepted her offer of antibiotics for both children. 

But the bright spot of the day? I weighed Eli, and he is now 9 pounds, 4 ounces! He's gaining weight steadily, and is now the size of a normal newborn. Go Eli! I have this awesome software from the World Health Organization that lets me track each child's growth; I found it when Daisy stopped gaining weight and I needed to document every ounce. I've been putting it to good use with Eli, too. There's something about seeing measurable progress that gives this mama infinite joy.

What? Doesn't this line graph warm your heart, too? Look at where we started, and where we are now! The red line is the 3rd percentile according to WHO, and we're almost there! Keep going, little man!

March 26

Chris and I were confident that Daisy would throw up last night, but she didn't. In fact, she woke up cheerful and very, very hungry. Good as new. However, I should have had a clue that something was up when Caleb slept until 8:00 this morning. But I was so focused on getting him to school - he'd felt so great last night! - that I didn't even think about it. And even when he woke up, he was cheerful and had lots of energy. So I thought we were good to go! There was no way we could get to the bus on time, so we loaded up in the van and dropped Caleb at school (right as it was starting! Oops!) and Daisy at preschool (20 minutes late! Double oops!)

But it didn't matter; the sun was shining and the kids were at school and I was ready for life to return to normal and get some things done! Eli was only happy if I held him, though, so I wrapped him on my back and Lily and I got to work chopping and cooking and preparing in the kitchen.

Little man was perfectly content, and snoozed away the whole time.

I love babywearing.

Soon it was time to pick Daisy up, feed the girls lunch, and go down for naps. I had just gotten the girls to sleep and was settling in for a marathon nursing session/nap with Eli, when my phone rang.

Of course it was Caleb's school. Of course.

The nurse said he had just come in complaining of an ear ache, and when she looked in his ear it was angry and red and so swollen that she couldn't even see the ear drum.

Of course.

That poor boy can't catch a break. Over the course of 72 hours (really!), he has had a cold, pink eye, a stomach bug, and now an ear infection. And he keeps saying his forehead hurts, so I bet he has a sinus infection, too.

Still, the nurse said he (remarkably) didn't have a fever, so she sent him back to class. I told her that I'd like him to finish out the day if at all possible (it was 2:00, and school gets out at 4:00), and she was fine with that. That probably makes me a mean mama, but I thought it was the best thing.

When he got off the bus, Caleb said he had a bad day because every part of him hurt. Poor kid. But he was in good spirits and enjoyed running and playing in the afternoon sunshine, so he can't be too sick.

I feel awful even complaining about how sick my children are, when they could be so much sicker. Chris and I discussed it tonight, and I think the cumulative weight of everything is starting to come crashing down on me. I don't remember much math, but I remember learning about when the whole is greater than the sum of its parts. That's where we are right now. This has been the most challenging 8 weeks of my life. Nothing really, exceptionally terrible has happened, but it's been so many bad or uncomfortable or challenging things one right after another after another that I feel like the total of it all is just plain awful. Or maybe all of my optimism and resolve and enthusiasm have completely worn down. But it all started with my water breaking at 34 weeks, 6 days, and it just keeps going. Hopefully it will stop soon, because I can't take much more.

But we played in the sunshine until the kids were all covered in mud, so I threw them in the tub for an early bath.

Rub a dub dub, three sick kids in the tub. You can see the red mustache that Caleb has acquired from his horrifyingly runny nose, and you can see the remains of pink eye in the corners of Daisy's eyes. Lily still has it, too, but Caleb's seems to have cleared up.

As I was bathing the kids, my mom called and offered to come over. What a blessing! Chris had a late work meeting, and I needed moral support and a set of arms to hold Eli. My mom is the best.

And because I can't end the day without a picture of my sweet little man, here he is at bedtime. You can see the gunk in his bottom (right, but on the left side of the photo) eye. I hope his pink eye clears up soon!

I still covet your prayers, friends. I realize that there are much greater problems in the world, and that many  people suffer more than we are right now. But it's still rough, and as much as I wish I were, I am not The Invincible Super Mom.

March 25

Caleb and Daisy always wake up right at 6:30 am. 

Always.

So when they weren't awake today when Chris left for work at 7 am, I knew something was up. Caleb finally woke up at 7:45, with his eyes all goopy despite the antibiotic eye drops. Daisy woke up around 8, and Lily a little bit after.

All three kids had goopy eyes, and later I realized that Eli did, too.

So they all have pink eye. 

Caleb was still not himself, and he woke up way too late to get to the bus on time, so I kept him home from school. The others were fine, just high-maintenance. Except for the part where Eli definitely threw up all over me. That wasn't fine.

Taking care of four sick, crabby, high-maintenance kids is exhausting, and I ended up feeding them popcorn, applesauce, and chocolate milk for lunch because it was the only thing they'd eat. 

For a brief, shining hour, all four children napped at the same time. It was glorious. But instead of sleeping, I chose to work on the diapers I am converting from velcro to snaps. Lily's diapers are barely holding on, so I need to be able to swap them out for the ones I've converted, pronto.

They woke up from naps, and Caleb was full of energy and clearly feeling better. We were about to go for a walk before Chris got home and it was dinnertime, when Lily threw up on the floor. Of course. And then she did it again, and again, and again...

Chris got home after the second puke, so at least he was there to help me. And at least I only have one puker at a time, not all four puking at once. When it was finally dinner time, Daisy and Lily ate nothing, and Caleb ate everything. He is totally going to school tomorrow.

Daisy was looking pretty peaked, though, and Chris and I are betting she'll throw up in the night.

So once again, no pictures of Eli until right now.

Chris wore Eli in the stretchy wrap while he washed dishes. I love how his little face peeks out!

Although don't you think he looks a little bit like Baby Darth Sidious from Star Wars? Or have I spent too much time with my Star Wars-obsessed son?

There. Now he's no longer a Sith lord, just my sweet baby.

Now go away, sickness! I told Chris that when the kids are finally healthy, I am taking a day off. Lord knows this mama needs one!

March 24

I thought yesterday was bad, and then today happened. Chris woke me up at 7 when he left for work, and informed me that all three big kids were awake, and all three had crusty, goopy eyes. I got to work feeding Eli so that I could get up and tend to the big kids, but as he nursed I heard Caleb shouting. Over and over again. I thought he was playing a game with Daisy, so I ignored it, but eventually it got annoying so I called, "Caleb! Why are you shouting?"

He came running down the hall and replied, "Because I threw up!"

Whomp, whomp, whoommmmp.

So. I have one child with a cold (possibly a sinus infection), pink eye, and a stomach bug.

Another with a cold, possibly an ear infection, and pink eye.

A third with a cold and pink eye, as well as new teeth coming in every day.

And a fourth who still doesn't nurse efficiently and hasn't pooped well in a few days.

Man, oh man.

So Caleb and Daisy both stayed home from school. My mother, who is a saint, willingly came into our sick house to help entertain the kids and bolster my spirits. Just before she arrived, Caleb decided to take a nap, so Mom entertained the others and snuggled baby Eli while I tried to accomplish a few things.

Eli was so happy in Grandma's arms!

Of  course, everyone knows that Grandma belongs to Lily, so eventually Lily climbed up to claim her back. Lily probably wasn't very comfortable, but Grandma and Eli look perfectly content.

Eli slept restfully for much of the afternoon, which was a blessing.

Of course, now he's fussing in Chris' arms and ready for Mommy. So it goes.

Caleb's pink eye worsened, despite my ministrations, so I caved and called the doctor for antibiotic eye drops. As much as I hate antibiotics, we've been using them a lot around here lately. I'm ready to be done with them and be healthy again! I'm still trying to fight the girls' infections naturally, so I'm hoping a good night's sleep does wonders for them.

March 23

Today was not the best day. I knew it getting out of bed; Eli was quite a handful during the night. My FitBit can attest to the fact that he kept me awake from roughly 2 am to 4:30 am. Nursing, burping, nursing, spitting up... it was really frustrating for me because he just wouldn't settle down, and he was clearly uncomfortable. Plus, I was exhausted and he wouldn't cooperate. Then, when he finally fell asleep, I had to get up to start the back-to-school grind again.

Caleb has had a nasty cold all weekend, and had a bloody nose in the night. Luckily, he was cheerful and cooperative and we got him off to the bus on time (just barely - he had to run to catch it!). Then we went to the chiropractor for Lily, and a trip to Target. Usually I love Target runs, but this was the most obnoxious Target visit ever.

The girls were starving by the time we got home, so I fed them lunch. I was starving, too, but just as I was ready to sit down to eat the omelette I had just made myself, I got a phone call.

School Nurse.

Boo.

Caleb had a red, swollen eye with gunk in it. She suspects pink eye. 

Luckily, none of the kids were napping yet, so we all loaded back into the van to pick up my sick boy. Honestly, I was expecting a call from the nurse today. Chris and I had debated keeping Caleb home from school because his cold seemed to have hit him really hard, but he was so cheerful this morning, and it was the first day back from spring break... The nurse and his teacher probably hate me because I always err on the side of sending him to school.

After treating Caleb's eyes (and Daisy's, which were looking suspiciously crusty) with breast milk and colloidal silver and essential oils, I put them all down for naps. I had a miraculous hour where all four - that's right, FOUR - of my children were asleep at once, but I wasted it prepping dinner instead of napping.

And then Caleb woke up, and his eyes needed to be treated, and then Daisy woke up, and then Lily woke up, and then it was time to make dinner, and after dinner my FitBit tells me that, like always, I spent a solid hour and a half in bed, feeding Eli, who still wouldn't fall asleep and who hasn't pooped all day, so is very uncomfortable... Can you see why I didn't take any pictures all day until just now?

So. This is the little man who is demanding all of my attention, always.

I'm not sure how it's humanly possible for him to STILL be hungry after a two-hour nursing session, but this photo sure makes it look like he is. I see this a lot. Kid is always hungry. Always. And I know that I make way more milk than he needs, so the problem is clearly on him. He'd better figure it out soon, because I'm going crazy!

It's a good thing he's such a sweet little baby.

Also, the forehead wrinkles? As he gains weight, they're slowly disappearing. I mourn the loss of them, but I suppose I don't really want poor Eli going through life with forehead wrinkles of the magnitude they once were.

And now he's fussing and Chris is feeding him a bottle while I drink a margarita and blog. Dear Lord, I hope this child sleeps tonight and that my two biggest kids wake up with clear eyes in the morning. Join me in praying, friends? This mama could use a little bit of easy.

March 22

We went for a family walk last night, and for a change of pace Chris wore Eli and I wore Lily on my back. It has been several months since I last wore Lily on my back, and I was definitely not in the shape required to comfortably tote a 22-pound child on my back. Still, Lily and I both enjoyed it. I was surprised to realize that I had really missed wearing her! Unfortunately, I have Eli on me most of the time, so Lily doesn't get much of a chance to ride on my back.

Today was one of those days; Eli wasn't content unless he was being held, and even then his happiness was questionable. The only thing that made him happy was being wrapped up against me, so I popped him in the ring sling while Chris and I made dinner.

Poor Lily wandered around the kitchen, scavenging for scraps of food and attention. She kept asking to be up, and I finally figured out that she wanted to be on my back! I felt so bad for the poor girl that, without any planning or advance preparation, I put her on my back.

With Eli on my front.

It's called "tandem wearing", and I've wanted to try it, but never researched the best way to go about doing it, or which carriers/carries work best... Today, we just went for it out of necessity.

Eli is in the ring sling on my front, and Lily is wrapped up in some sort of a ruck (ruck tied at waist? Ruck with a waist belt?) on my back. I'm sure that if I had taken a moment to plan/remove Eli, I could have done things more comfortably, but both children were secure and happy, so I call it a win. But boy they were heavy! It felt like I was moving underwater. Hopefully as I shed this baby weight and get back in shape, I can wear them both comfortably for longer periods of time!

March 21

It feels like I spent the majority of this day nursing Eli. That's partly true, and mostly because I just literally spent two solid hours nursing him. Like, I could hear him swallowing milk and see milk dribbling out the corner of his mouth the whole time. He also pooped three times and spit up four times during those two hours. And then, after over two hours of nursing, he drank a 2 ounce bottle of expressed breastmilk. It's baffling, but he's growing. Also, during that two hours I was able to nurse him on both sides without any pain. Yes, that's normal for most people, but this time around? I am not taking that for granted. This time, it's a big deal, and I'm celebrating it. Now the child is finally asleep,  but the asleep is happening as he's wrapped in a ring sling on my chest. 

While I nursed Eli for two hours this morning, Chris took the big kids swimming at the YMCA. They had a great time. Then Eli and I went grocery shopping. At least seven different people asked me how old he was, and today I simply answered, "Seven and a half weeks." 

Before, I've always said, "Seven weeks, but he came five weeks early" to explain why he is so small and why he looks so new. But today, I decided to stop explaining my baby's size. He is a seven and a half week old baby, and that's all that matters.

We got home as the big kids were finishing their lunches, and they were all worn out from the pool. Once they were down, Chris took Eli for some quality man time while I paid bills and organized things and worked in the kitchen.

Chris sat on the couch and watched golf while Eli snoozed on his lap.

The kid was out cold.

An hour later, still sleeping. Sweet baby.

We are slowly starting to put away Eli's newborn clothes as they grow too small (length-wise, but definitely not width-wise!). Out come the 0-3 month clothes! Keep growing, little man!