February 11

This morning, a little window popped up on my phone, cheerfully announcing that I am 37 weeks pregnant today.

Oops. Not so much.

Later, a reminder popped up that Eli had his two-week checkup today. That's much more accurate.

This is us at the doctor's office, waiting to see our doc.

The appointment did not go well. Though my mastitis is finally getting better, Eli is not gaining weight. Or even growing, really. On Friday, he weighed 5 lbs, 6.5 oz. Today - five days later - he weighed 5 lbs, 8 oz. They typically expect to see babies his age gain an ounce a day, but Eli has only gained 1.5 ounces in 5 days. And his head hasn't grown. And he hasn't gotten any longer.

So. Our doctor gave me very specific instructions: Eli is to nurse on both sides (even on the bad, mastitis-y side) for 15 minutes each, then get a supplementary bottle of expressed milk. Then I need to pump the bad side for 10 minutes to get more milk for the next feeding, 

Then I get a break for an hour, and then I start it all over again,

Around the clock,

Though the night.

Even though Chris goes back to work tomorrow.

Even though I'm exhausted.

Even though I have three other children to take care of.

I cried the whole way home.

I'm crying now.

Even harder than committing to this routine is the fact  that Eli doesn't buy into it. So far, he has refused to nurse on my bad side. And half the time I can't even wake him up to eat when he's supposed to. 

So mostly I'm feeling overwhelmed, inadequate, and worried about my child's growth and development. I'm not used to things being so hard.

Pray for us, please.